Marriage is a significant commitment, and so is joining the military. Both require dedication, sacrifice, and long-term planning. When combining these two life-changing decisions, things can become even more complicated. Some couples choose to get married before military service, believing it will provide stability, financial benefits, and emotional support. Others worry that marriage will add unnecessary stress during an already challenging transition.
So, is it a good idea to get married before joining the military? The answer isn’t simple. It depends on the strength of the relationship, individual goals, and how well both partners understand military life.
Understanding Military Life and Its Impact on Marriage
Before deciding whether to marry before joining the military, it’s essential to understand what military life entails.
Deployment and Long Separations
Military service often requires long periods of separation. Whether it’s basic training, deployments, or station changes, military members spend a lot of time away from their spouses.
- Basic Training: The first 8–12 weeks are intense, with little to no communication.
- Deployments: Can last 6 to 12 months or longer, depending on the branch and assignment.
- Frequent Relocations: Military families move every 2–3 years, making stability difficult.
If a couple isn’t used to spending time apart, this can put emotional strain on the marriage.
The Military Comes First
Once you join the military, the service dictates your schedule. This means:
- Unpredictable work hours (night shifts, training, emergency assignments).
- Limited control over where you live (stationed in different cities or even countries).
- High-pressure environments that can impact mental health and relationships.
This lifestyle isn’t for everyone, and both partners must be prepared to put duty before personal preferences.
Stress and Mental Health Challenges
Serving in the military comes with physical and emotional stress. It can impact mental health, relationships, and communication.
- Exposure to combat zones or high-pressure missions can cause PTSD, depression, or anxiety.
- Spouses must handle household responsibilities alone when their partner is deployed.
- Some military members struggle to open up emotionally, leading to distance in the relationship.
If a relationship isn’t strong and well-communicated before enlisting, these challenges can magnify existing problems.
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The Benefits of Getting Married Before Joining the Military
Despite the challenges, there are also significant benefits to getting married before enlisting. The military provides financial, housing, and healthcare benefits to married service members that can make life easier.
1. Financial Stability and Benefits
One of the biggest advantages of being married in the military is the financial support.
- Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH): Married service members receive additional pay for housing expenses (which can cover rent or mortgage costs).
- Increased Base Pay: Some military branches offer higher pay for married soldiers.
- Health Insurance: Spouses get access to free healthcare through TRICARE.
- Separation Pay: If deployed for more than 30 days, the military provides additional compensation for being away from family.
For couples who are already considering marriage, these benefits can provide financial security.
2. Military Spouse Support and Resources
The military values family stability, and there are many resources for military spouses, such as:
- Military Family Support Programs (help with relocation, finances, and education).
- Education Assistance: Spouses can receive tuition benefits through programs like MyCAA, which covers career training and certifications.
- Base Housing: Married service members may qualify for on-base housing, eliminating rent costs.
For couples who are willing to adapt to military life, these resources can make marriage easier.
3. Emotional Support and Stability
The military can be a stressful career, and having a supportive spouse can make a huge difference.
- Marriage provides emotional grounding during difficult times.
- Having a support system can reduce stress and loneliness.
- Military marriages often grow stronger because couples learn to handle challenges together.
If the relationship is already strong, marriage can provide stability and comfort for both partners.
The Risks of Getting Married Before Enlisting
While there are many benefits, marriage before military service also comes with risks and challenges.
1. The Pressure to Marry for Benefits
Some couples rush into marriage just for military benefits, which can lead to serious problems later.
- If a relationship isn’t emotionally strong, financial benefits won’t fix underlying issues.
- Some young couples feel pressured to marry before enlisting, only to realize later they aren’t truly compatible.
- Divorce in the military can be stressful, expensive, and emotionally draining.
Reality Check: Marriage should be about love and commitment, not just financial stability.
2. The Risk of Divorce
Military marriages have a higher divorce rate than civilian marriages, especially for young couples.
Why?
- Long separations can weaken emotional connections.
- Military stress can lead to poor communication and conflicts.
- Frequent relocations can create challenges for military spouses’ careers and personal goals.
Fact: Studies show that service members under 25 have the highest divorce rates, mainly due to rushed marriages.
Key Insight: If you’re unsure about long-distance or handling military stress, it may be better to wait before getting married.
3. Career and Lifestyle Conflicts for Spouses
Being a military spouse means sacrificing personal career goals, stability, and independence.
- Constant relocations make it hard to maintain a steady job.
- Military spouses often put their dreams on hold for their partner’s career.
- Adapting to military culture can be challenging, especially if a spouse isn’t used to strict rules and constant change.
If a partner isn’t fully committed to this lifestyle, it can cause resentment and relationship strain.
How to Decide: Should You Marry Before or After Joining the Military?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It depends on the couple, their goals, and their ability to handle military life.
Questions to Ask Before Deciding:
✅ Is our relationship strong enough to handle long separations and stress?
✅ Are we getting married because we truly want to, or because of military benefits?
✅ Can we handle the challenges of military life together?
✅ Do we have open and honest communication?
✅ Is my partner prepared for frequent relocations and sacrifices?
If the answer is yes to most of these questions, then marriage before enlistment could be a good option.
If the answer is no or if there are doubts, waiting until after military training may be a wiser decision.
Tips for Making Military Marriage Work
If you choose to get married before joining the military, here are some key tips to ensure your marriage stays strong:
1. Communicate Regularly
- Even during deployments, find ways to stay connected through letters, video calls, and emails.
- Talk about expectations and concerns before enlisting.
2. Prepare for Long-Distance Challenges
- Plan how to stay emotionally connected even when apart.
- Understand that military schedules are unpredictable—flexibility is key.
3. Build a Support System
- Military spouses should connect with other military families for support.
- Take advantage of military family programs for guidance and assistance.
4. Set Personal and Relationship Goals
- Both partners should discuss long-term plans, including career and family life.
- A military career can last 20+ years, so planning for the future is essential.
Final Verdict: Is It a Good Idea?
Getting married before joining the military can work—but only if the relationship is built on love, trust, and mutual understanding.
- If both partners are prepared for the challenges, marriage can provide stability, emotional support, and financial security.
- However, if marriage is rushed or based on benefits rather than commitment, it can lead to heartbreak and divorce.
Final Advice: Take your time, think carefully, and make sure your heart, mind, and future goals align before making this life-changing decision. ❤️
